Unemployment and Dating
Stock photo, this is not my lovely friend!
I had lunch with my lovely friend last week (she’s single, by the way!) We talked about how various industries are all struggling with inflation + more cost-conscious clients. My other business is landscape design/construction, where we started feeling the pinch a year ago. For us, rising interest coincided with drought restrictions, which made front yards go the way of lipstick in 2020.
"There's got to be something that's selling right now," my friend mused.
"There is!" I told her. "Singles!"
Lots of people are getting laid off. Lots of people are looking for love. No one in their right mind would conflate the two... but here I am!
In my two decades of work in education, I saw that one of the hardest challenges for any student to overcome is lack of meaningful parental support. A two-income, two-parent full-time working household meant that the parents were physically/logistically unable to put in the work that it takes to support and encourage a child through their tumultuous teens. No amount of money spent on parental substitutes is a true substitute for the person who is supposed to love you most, making/taking the time to just BE with you. It's called quality time for a reason, and it’s vital for nourishing a child’s confidence and growth.
In fact, when a student was referred to me because he had entered crisis mode (gotten trouble in school, been diagnosed with depression, etc), his chances of improving with interventions was 100% if his mother worked part-time. Full-time working mothers figured in my less successful cases. The more intense the mother was about her career, the less success I saw in turning the child’s negative thoughts/behavior around. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it makes sense. Someone has to implement the recommendations and tools. If Mom doesn’t care enough to do it, whoever takes up the job has twice the battle. Because Mom’s absence sends its own crippling message.
My off-the-wall suggestion today is that if you have a strong career and earning power, find an eligible single in your circle who is unemployed/burned out. Ask if they'd maybe like to use this downtime to get hitched, pop out a few kids, and spend the next 4-5 years redesigning their perfect career.
Before you scoff, that's what I did! (Although fertility issues restricted me to only one child).
Mom boss mode activated!
I absolutely TREASURED the time to love and nurture our baby, form meaningful female friendships with other moms who'd made the same choice as I did, and truly think about what I wanted to do in my future career. We tightened the belt on one income, but it was the ultimate luxury to raise my own child while stepping back to reframe my career path.
My experiences as a wife and mother equipped me better to deal with bosses, clients, and business partners better than college or graduate school ever did. Every one of my mom friends is back to work - most of us doing something completely different than we would have chosen, had we not taken that time off to focus on growing our families and ourselves.
Too many women nowadays believe that getting married and having children will prevent them from enjoying friends, traveling, or having a successful career. Having a family of your own only makes those things even sweeter. But chasing those things can take the option of having a family right out of your grasp, before you even realize it.
