Beauty

Where most people see “beauty,”  I see “money.”

 It’s money that pays for treatments, fitness classes, clothing, and products. It’s money that allows you to have the time to indulge in these things, instead of being at work. It’s money that pays for hairstylists, estheticians, make-up artists, photographers, videographers, and editors. It’s money that pays for the technology that goes into developing filters and special effects that highlight, enhance, eliminate flaws, and even create what isn’t really there.

But even the wealthiest woman exudes insecurity when she chases a false ideal that is filtered, retouched, and Photoshopped. Even the most youthful natural beauty exudes insecurity when she self-consciously dresses in imitation of glamorous and trendy celebs. We all feel its pull in different situations, but the easiest way to become a slave to insecurity is to not love the face and body that God gave you.  

I’m often thankful to God for my poor eyesight, which I credit for my relatively robust sense of confidence. >.<

At the end of the day, and in the morning… what I see last in the mirror before I go to bed, and what I see first in the mirror before I start my day - is a blurred-out, idealized version of myself.  In other words, I am guaranteed to see myself as passably pretty at least twice every day. >.<

 There are definitely days when I go find my glasses, or put my contact lenses in, and then freak out at my face in the mirror. “Oh my GOSH, I’ve been walking around looking like this!” And then I go brush my hair, put on some concealer, and feel better.

I feel like the memory of seeing myself - and being perfectly content with my reflection in the mirror - stays with me even though it’s “false.” I realized a long time ago that seniors and men don’t see us the way that other women do. It has something to do with rods and cones in the eyes, but it also has a lot to do with what they care about. Anyone who’s tried to decorate a home with the average straight male, knows what I’m talking about. When I was designing landscapes full-time, if a man could tell the difference between the color tones of the samples, he was usually a graphic designer or other type of artist. One husband was a book jacket designer. But the overwhelming majority of husbands would look, look some more, and then announce “I don’t see a difference,” or “I don’t care.”

The average heterosexual male doesn’t care if you have a pimple or if your toenails match your bag. He doesn’t care if your dress is expensive, if your hair is on-trend, or if your skin glows. Women care. We care. And that affects our confidence. Men read your aura of confidence; they don’t read your looks.

Note: if you’re walking around in a tight dress with your assets on display, yes, they read your looks. But they’re not reading whether or not you’re pretty. They’re reading the message that you’re potentially available for free/transactional sex, and that’s what attracts them.

When most men look at you, they see you like I see myself in the mirror with my contacts out, and my glasses off.

As long as you think you look good, men generally think you look good. #thumbsup #goselfconfidence

Men see you the same way you see your best friends. When you imagine your besties, you picture them in a glow. They look gorgeous, vivacious, warm, and wonderful. Because you know them. You know how they look when they’re excited to see you, bubbly over coffee or a meal, sympathetic as they listen to your problems, or angry as they share their own frustrations. You know that they are beautiful inside and out.

But if someone sent you a bad photo of one of your besties, you might find yourself a little shaken.

“Is my eyesight bad?” You might wonder.

“Am I delusional?” You might also wonder.

“Am I getting OLD??” With a shudder.

Then, bestie loyalty would lead you to delete that photo right away. Because it’s not accurate. It’s not how your BFF really looks. It’s just a bad angle, and it’s an insult to how gorgeous she really is. Such a bad picture of your bestie should not be allowed to exist.

 Do the same thing to negative thoughts about your own appearance. Delete them.

Nobody who likes you is going to be as critical about your looks as you are. Only your worst enemy. Unfortunately, in some cases, that worst enemy is your own mother. Block her voice if she criticizes you in a non-constructive manner. PLEASE give her some credit if her advice is sound. I can’t tell you how many times I coach women, and they say/exclaim, “That’s what my mom says!”

 In some cases, that worst enemy is the beauty industry. Never forget that they only make a lot of money if you think you need a lot of help. Don’t get me wrong, I love the beauty industry. But like any other, it is an industry, and it runs on profits. You spending money equals them making money. So go on your consults and shopping sprees armed with a big, fat grain of salt.

 Beauty is about confidence. Confidence comes from doing the best you can, with what you’ve been given. Confidence comes from an acceptance of your limitations. Confidence comes with contentment.

Sometimes we forget that we’re running a race. We’re not preparing to run the race, we’re already running it. We don’t have time to figure out ways to make our legs longer, or make our heads more aerodynamic. We are in it to win it. You do the best with what you’ve got, and you love what you’ve got - because that’s what’s going to carry you across the finish line.

It’s not always easy to love yourself the way you are. That fine line between gratitude to God and self-care is like any other: we find it by keeping God’s word hidden in our hearts, prayer, and encouragement to one another. I used to tell parents that as long as they’re trying not to be bad parents, they don’t have to worry. It’s when parents decide that they’re going to push away all guilt and crown themselves good parents no matter what, that bad parenting starts to take over.

We should always be questioning our decisions and wondering: “Am I trying to look and feel my best, or am I chasing someone else’s face? Am I thankful to God each day for how He made me, or am I trying to change His creation?”

And always the important question: “Is beauty one of my idols?”