Romance
It’s Valentine’s Day!
Ladies, today is Valentine’s Day. It’s the day we celebrate romantic love.
Yes, permission to buy something can be a Valentine’s Day gift. >.<
Today, I wrote a Valentine for my daughter, and bought a box of Godiva chocolates (her favorite) for my mother. For my husband, my “gift” is that I agreed to let him upgrade our Coway water purifier to one that not only dispenses filtered water, but dispenses ice and hot water as well. (Something I’ve been refusing for months because we have perfectly good ice trays, a freezer, and a hot water kettle that heats up in under a minute). Essentially, I gave my permission for him to spend his money on a gadget he wants in our kitchen. ;D
Let’s be honest, ladies. Valentine’s Day isn’t really a fair holiday. Valentine’s Day is all about us…. it’s an excuse for females to receive presents. If it it sounds like I’m complaining, I’m not! Valentine’s Day gives men an excuse to earn brownie points, which goodness knows they often need.
My unromantic view of the holiday is just an opener to today’s topic…and that is ROMANCE.
When I decided to get my certification and pursue matchmaking as a profession, not just a hobby, I was inspired by all the couples that I met over the course of my work in landscape design. Working with so many couples really brought home the realization that a solid partnership can accomplish SO much more than the most independent single person. It’s not about how much a couple loves each other, although that’s important. It’s about how committed they are to working together. Whether they can put their pride and own desires aside to communicate, compromise, and achieve their goals together.
One of the reasons that I advocate marrying earlier than society recommends is because marriage opens your eyes to truths that humble you, and make you a better person. The first lesson I learned as a married woman was that most men are faking interest when they listen to us talk on and on. When I was no longer single, men no longer gave their attention to me. They drifted away after brief, unfocused exchanges. It was an unpleasant surprise to discover that I’m not as interesting or captivating as men had led me to believe for so many years. I discovered that paying attention to the conversation of an average woman is actually pretty painful to a man, and it’s only the thought of the potential rewards that keeps them hanging in there for the ordeal. >.<
The second lesson that I learned as a married woman was that once you’re married, if a man is giving you his undivided attention, listening to you encouragingly, and actively continuing the conversation while complimenting you…he is trying to get you to break your marriage vows. It became very easy to tell these men apart from the ones who were respectful and simply didn’t pay much attention to me.
When you get married, you give up your power over other men, and concentrate your power over ONE man. And the power isn’t the power to make his head spin, or his heart do somersaults when he hears your voice. The power is to make him utterly miserable, half-crazed with frustration, or reasonably content with his life and grateful that you’re not angry with him at the moment. ;D You learn that you have to take care of yourself, because you set the relationship’s emotional tone.
Secular magazines and articles are constantly trying to tell us that we have to keep romance alive in our relationships. Closeness is important, intimacy is important. But romance doesn’t need to be kept alive. Romance is in the beauty of just being together. Working together. Choosing to stay together.
Marriage begins with romance for many, but it ends up in practicality for most. It’s rooted in love, yes. A love so complex that it’s hard to understand, or unravel. But romance in a relationship is like excitement in a career. We all begin with hopes and dreams, and then learn that it’s just work. Well, not “just” work. Real work. One year of experience doesn’t compare to three years, and seven years of experience makes three look like child’s play. Ten years of experience makes us feel like we’ve conquered a small country. Thirty+ years of experience and you’re basically the authority. You can come and write my blog for me anytime.
There’s plenty of excitement along the way, but most of it comes in the form of challenges. Battles between each other, weathering the storms, enduring together, fighting to stay together. The joy doesn’t really come from each other, as much as it comes from experiencing joy with each other. The joy of watching your children grow is a great example.
If you’re single this Valentine’s Day, don’t mourn the absence of romance. Don’t pray for a prince to sweep you off your feet. Valentine’s Day is not a symbol of the happiness that couples experience every day. It’s a day for us to recognize that there’s love in there, somewhere under all the logistics and budgeting. Yes, you’ll start with attraction. You’ll start with the butterflies, and that will turn into melting hearts and lovely romance. But what you’ll have in the end is a partner, not a prince. A human being with flaws and faults. One who might never stop doing some of the things that drive you nuts, because that’s who God created Him to be.
What you’re missing out on is not the romance. It’s the work. Make this the year that you prepare your heart and your spirit for the work that goes into building a relationship that can last. Pray that when you follow the world, God brings you back to putting aside pride, putting aside any selfish desires, and putting aside your fantasies of what a perfect romantic love should look like. Pray that He gives you opportunities to practice patience, discernment to see into the hearts of others, and the courage to let someone become a part of your life.
