“Do Not Despise These Small Beginnings…”
Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.”
(The seven lamps[a] represent the eyes of the Lord that search all around the world.)
Zechariah 4:10 NLT
I am a matchmaker because I value marriage. I believe that God created man and woman to form a union that becomes a physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and social force in our own lives as well as our communities. One of the hardest things to see as a matchmaker is singles who want marriage and a family of their own, but find excuses to delay serious dating for marriage because they are afraid of “small beginnings.”
When you’re past your mid-thirties, successful in your career, already own your home or are looking at purchasing one, and it feels like you’re hitting every accomplishment in stride…it can be hard to contemplate giving up control and opening the door to the vulnerability of a genuine romantic relationship.
Do I believe that God has called some of us to a life of celibacy and single status?
Unquestionably. Even more so today when as Christians, we find ourselves surrounded by hostile forces. There are many parts of the Bible where God tells His people not to marry (or let their sons marry) from the local population, because their wives would be pagan and turn their hearts from God. (Deuteronomy 7, Exodus 34, etc). And Jesus acknowledges that some people are born eunuchs, others are made that way, and some choose that path. (Matthew 19:11-12).
In Jeremiah 16, God tells us the young prophet not to marry or have children, because He is about to enact judgment on the land. God also tells Jeremiah not to mourn with the people, celebrate with them, or eat or drink with them. God is telling Jeremiah not to engage with people who will soon be dead.
But if you are not living like a eunuch (Google it, you may wince), monk, or nun, and you have plenty of earthly desires, including the desire to mingle and live socially with the people around you… I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s likely that God has intended for you to marry. So it may be time for you to put your faith into God, and stop letting fear, insecurity, and indecision delay your growth.
One of the many reasons that I homeschool my daughter is because I was positively traumatized by the required reading material in the American public school system. Romantic fiction (specifically, well-researched historical romantic fiction) is one of my favorite genres of writing. So it’s impossible for me not to see and appreciate the romance in the Bible. Ruth, Esther, Sarah, Abigail…God provided for these women. He gave them husbands, softened the hearts of the men around them, and blessed these heroines with grit to carry out the tasks that He set before them.
God does the same for the men of His chosen people, often going to great lengths to ensure that the young men of Israel have wives. Over and over, the Bible tells us that marriage is important. We see people being led astray because of bad marriages. Remember Jezebel and her daughters? Samson’s mighty strength fell to the trickeries of unfaithful women. Solomon, the wisest king in all of history, was brought to his downfall because of his proclivity for pagan wives.
That is why, when I see clients in their thirties and above wavering between wanting to get married and wondering if that’s not what God has in mind for them, I want to jump up and down and wave my arms holding flashlights, like an airport runway traffic director. Yes! He wants you to love and be loved! He wants you to take on challenges that even the hardest working single person cannot fathom conquering as one-half of a complex partnership. He wants you to grow into people, not just into your job.
Don’t be the person at the pool party who really wants to jump in, but has a million doubts or isn’t quite sure about messing up your hairstyle. This isn’t one of those temptation scenarios - where wanting to do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should. It’s more like Proverbs 13:12, which tells us: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Is it hard?
Unquestionably.
Is it scary?
Most definitely.
Will it introduce change, challenges, and perhaps even chaos?
Count on it.
Now ask me if it’s worth it.
In every thing there is its own time, and we all have our own unique dating journeys. But if you long for a partner, a helpmeet, an intimate spiritual companion… don’t defer. God rejoices at your small beginnings. For every Christian couple who marries, the power of one Christian to impact the world is more than doubled. For every Christian family that raises its children (natural born or otherwise given by God) by Biblical teachings, the power of their church to impact their community is increased exponentially. You may think that God wants you to continue pulling your load on your own, like a loyal pack animal. But consider that He may have a more efficient and joyful experience planned for you. Are you shutting the door to that possibility with your determination to avoid risks?
Believe.
Believe that God has a plan for you that doesn’t end with you sacrificing your future family to accomplish your worldly goals. A much greater, much more mysterious plan.
