America Loves Children… Do You?
This blog post is a response to an article published in Business Insider on Jan 7, 2024. I distinctly remember writing a response to a complaint similar to this article around 5 years ago, in a Facebook mom’s group. I was one of very few full-time mothers in that group of highly educated, professional women. I ended up leaving the group because of the daily irony of women complaining about white male privilege, while playing the role of the dominant white man to the immigrant seniors, household employees, and children in their lives. And oh, did they love to mansplain the '“working world” to me. As if mothers who choose to raise their own children don’t have work experience, and don’t support husbands who go to work daily in the same battlefields.
The mother in that group complained that people treat her like a non-entity when she is with her children. She was referring specifically to store employees and cashiers who wouldn’t look her in the eye or pay attention to her. Knowing that this mother was a full-time career woman whose daily commute was an hour’s drive each way through heavy traffic, I asked: “Are you usually in a hurry when you’re with your kids? Is it possible that you’re stressed out, busy with the kids, not looking up… generally giving off the vibe that you don’t want to engage?” The answer I got from multiple triggered women was: “You wouldn’t understand, you don’t work.”
As a full-time mother, former MOMS Club President and Girl Scouts Troop leader...as that sweaty, disheveled woman in the grocery store in playground clothes and a ponytail, not a single name brand in sight and driving her dad's old, beat-up car... I adamantly refute the accusation that America hates children. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, to this very moment as a mother and a wife, I have had completely the opposite experience.
Just recently, we stopped to grab a burger and fries at the local joint down the street. My daughter had a bandage over her eye from a recent cooking mishap (just the eyelid, the eye is fine, don’t worry!). I thought the cashier asked me: “Does she want some ice for her eye?” and replied, “Oh, no thank you! It’s been a few days, it’s healing up.”
He smiled and repeated himself: “Does she want some ice cream for her eye?” Not to put on her eye, of course, but because she had an injury. Of course, my daughter was nodding enthusiastically and looking hopefully at me. I said yes more because of his kindness than because my daughter needs an ice cream cone before lunch (although she’s half-Filipina, so dessert before a meal is culturally appropriate!) As we walked to the car with our order, my daughter happily licking her ice cream cone, she commented: “I feel sorry for grown-ups. I bet no one gives them ice cream because they got an owie on their eye.”
It’s not just the free ice cream. It’s the firefighters waving from the firetruck windows as the kids stare, mouths open. The men who rush to help my toppling over the stroller because I underestimated how much weight I could safely hang from the handlebar. The teens who wait patiently as I take forever to check out because I’ve got mom-brain and there’s a toddler distracting me, the employees who reassure me when my daughter has just had a potty accident or thrown up in the middle of their store.
All of my daughter's life, we have been treated with kindness, patience, and encouragement by cashiers, store employees, USPS and UPS drivers, sanitation workers, policemen, and men and women of every height, weight, and color. Everywhere we went, even in rough neighborhoods, people were kind and helpful. They asked me if I needed anything, reassured me if I was holding up the line or my baby was crying. They were quick to help me open doors, cross the street, or carry my purchases.
Grandmothers of every race have come up to me to smile and tell me that I’m doing a good job. They inevitably share stories of their own daughters and daughters-in-law, shaking their heads sadly as they tell me: "She has to work." Not sadly because their families are so impoverished; society so broken, that the mother of an infant child must leave her baby to strangers and go to work in order to survive. They sigh over the mistaken materialistic mentality that traps women into thinking that earning money to buy things and pay others to care for your children, is more important doing it yourself for free.
And therein lies the true root of the problem. If we want to blame society for anything, we can blame it for capitalism. Just like the serpent tempted Eve with the prospect of more, consumer culture is a Hydra that keeps us running on that hamster wheel. The list of things we want to buy is never-ending. The list of things we have, but want to upgrade, grows every day. We want everything we want, and we want it all now. And too many of us are willing to sacrifice our souls, our health, our marriages, and even our vulnerable children to achieve that goal.
Time with Grandparents is Precious
I have witnessed so many grandparents choose to raise their grandchildren rather than have them shipped off to daycare as infants and toddlers. It’s often a different picture than the beautiful one here. Seniors taking care of babies full-time is grimy and painfully hard work. But this photo captures the joy that is why our parents gladly make that sacrifice, if we leave them no other choice.
For two decades, I worked closely with children and parents to troubleshoot academic and behavioral issues. I was deeply impacted by the dramatic, undeniable difference between a family with a mother, and a family without one. I’m not talking about physical presence, or financial support. I’m talking about the willingness of the female figure to accept and embrace her role as wife and mother. In my experience, no one gives off more anti-children vibes than career-driven mothers… who want anyone to be responsible for raising their children but themselves.
There is a reason that the number of daycares has dramatically increased, that the IVF industry is booming, and that desperate women are able to earn a pittance letting other women implant babies into their bodies. These things are directly correlated to the vast number of women who see the responsibilities of a wife and mother as degradation. Work that is considered so far beneath them, that it can only be entrusted to uneducated, vulnerable immigrants who don’t speak English and are willing to work longer hours than you for a third of your salary.
I’m not the only American woman I know who chooses to invest in her family, and in doing so, invest in her own growth, confidence, and joy as a woman. I value the friendships and community of women of all ages who have made the same choice. I value the society that supports us; despite the loud voices of women who would rather die than live like us. America loves its families, and it loves children. WE love our children.
But do you?
If you are a single woman who values the first 5 years of a child’s life, the irreplaceable connection between mother and child, honoring your parents and your spouse’s parents and blessing them in appreciation of everything they have done for you, and growing roots as a woman of God within a community of Godly women… please reach out. I would love to get to know you and see if I can help you find the man that God has marked for you.
If you are a single man who wants your future wife, your parents’ future daughter-in-law, and the future mother of your children to be a woman who cherishes her God-given role within your marriage, your family, and your community… please reach out. I would love to help you design and carry out your search for the woman God created to complete you. Email me at GoodHeartsMeet@Gmail.com
