Holiday Season Dating
Here’s my advice for dating during the holidays:
DON’T DO IT!
It doesn’t matter if you’re single, married, or a grandparent, the holidays are a busy time for everyone. Things are crazy at work as everyone tries to finish up projects or close that last deal before the holidays. Friends visiting from out-of-town, your own holiday traveling, family commitments, volunteer activities, church events… the list goes on and on. And then you come home from all that hustle and bustle to a silent apartment. It can make you think that you need to take immediate action, to fill that emptiness at the end of your day.
But don’t let that loneliness overshadow your enjoyment of the season. As Christians, we should not be making this season about couples, kissing, and cuddling up by a fire, as tempting as it may be. The reason for the season is not romanticism. This is the time we celebrate Jesus’s birth (despite chronological hiccups), and spend time enjoying the people we already know, love, and are thankful for. Be grateful for the full day of blessings and things to appreciate.
Now, I’m not discouraging anybody from going out there and meeting new people. With all the events going on, it’s a perfect time to meet new friends and potential dates. Shake hands, have conversation, ask them for their phone number!
Get out there and be present!
With all the events going on, it’s a perfect time to meet new friends and potential dates. Shake hands, have conversation, ask them for their phone number!
What I strongly advise against during this time is:
1) Going on romantic dates with new people during the holidays.
2) Trying to take a new friendship to the next level during the holidays.
3) Beginning a physical relationship or moving in with someone during the holidays.
“Cuffing Season”
Although the general meaning of '“cuffing season” is that two people are attached to each other to weather out the cold winter, I believe that the symbolism of handcuffs is about more than just being tied to one another. The word “cuffing” implies force, restraint, can even mean a blow.
And that’s what it is, in my view. It’s two people being forced to false intimacy out of mutual desperation. It’s being trapped in a mistake, a charade, by your own decision to play along. It’s taking a blow - to your pride, your bodily integrity, and your emotional health.
“Cuffing season” is not about love and finding the right partner. It’s about temporarily scratching an itch. It’s giving in to the emotional highs and lows of the holidays, and riding that roller coaster at the expense of your body and soul. “Leaning in” to the drama and insecurity, instead of plugging into family and friendships and growing emotionally stronger.
Here’s another reason to shut the door on holiday hook-ups/relationships: You may be losing out on someone who has sincere feelings for you, in pursuit of a stranger or new connection who has nothing to offer but a short train wreck of emotional highs followed by lows that you really didn’t need.
I have a personal theory that unless you are genuinely anti-social (no offense meant if that is your situation), there is at least one person in your life who is:
Available
Compatible with you, and
Finds you attractive/compelling
That is why I offer a date coaching service that helps identify those potentials in your life. I’ve been annoying friends with insistences that their crush is actually into them since my college years. Or that they even have a crush, since people can be very determined to hide or suppress their feelings of attraction.
So, what happens when that potential match witnesses you give in to the holiday emotions and become intimate with a stranger? One whom everyone around you can tell is bad news, or a bad fit?
Well, if you’re a male, you’ve just lost that potential match. Her respect for you is going to drop to negative points, and you have officially been crossed off her list. She’s hurt, but she’s also angry at your stupidity. If you were going to pick somebody to go from zero to sixty with, you could have at least had the decency to ask her first.
If you’re a female, you’ve hurt a man who could have possibly made you a very kind, respectful, considerate husband. Men are generally more forgiving than women. He may still pursue you; he may even be the one to comfort you after the holiday hook-up is over. But you will have cast a serious damper over his holidays, and lost respect in the eyes of his friends.
Can you hurt a crush with your holiday fling?
Fanciful thinking? My imagination gone wild? Perhaps. But I’m sure that many of you reading this felt a twinge of memory. It’s not an unfamiliar scenario…you’ve seen or experienced it before. It’s one thing to have a crush choose someone else. It’s another to watch them get picked up and spun around by a mistake, because they were too dumb to realize you were interested, and too scared to make a move on you.
So my recommendation to you is to wait. Promise yourself that this is your last Christmas as a single person, and that you’ll focus less on work and more on your personal life starting January! Spend time with friends and family, make your resolutions so you can present the best possible you. And pray! Don’t pray that God will send you the perfect person. Pray that God will help you become the person He needs you to be, so you can be a good, loving partner to the person He needs you to be with.
And if you need advice or prayers during this holiday season, you can email me at GoodHeartsMeet@Gmail.com. I don’t mean to end this with a plug for my services! :) But I’ve been there, I truly have. I can’t guarantee you all the answers or resolution, but I can listen and do what I can.
